Space for grace

Happy 2008. I am very excited about the new year, with no real sense of why, exactly.

Last night we were sitting around the dinner table, sipping gorgeous wine, when our host had us all go around and state our resolutions. I don't usually make resolutions, since they seem so ripe for disappointment. I do have goals I would like to accomplish this year. One is, of course, finishing my dissertation. That is something I would very much like to see happen in 2008, and will work hard to make that a reality. Another thing I will try for this year is grace. Grace towards myself. Yes, I would like to get in better shape, which I think I have been moving towards over the past month. I am also going to get together sometime this week with my running partner, whom I'll call Scoop, and talk about races we want to sign up for over the coming year. Always good to have goals to work towards. And I want to keep up my asana practice and keep lifting weights, both of which make me feel really good. But I also want to work on developing grace.

I am 41.5 years old. I am not going to look like I did when I was 20. I am also not going to look like I did when I was 35 and nursing my second child and at the same time running 40 miles a week and lifting and dieting to train for a figure competition (never got there-- the strict dieting was making me so crabby my husband begged me to stop. Since he is usually so supportive, I took this pretty seriously. There were other reasons to stop... but that's not the topic here). I will never look like that again. Yes, I want to eat better and work out more, but I have a much broader focus in  my life right now, and I don't think that my fitness will ever again be the prime focus of my life the way it used to be. And that needs to be okay. I am getting a doctorate. My kids are getting older. I need to go on internship in August, then develop a practice, etc. I've got a lot going on. And so I need grace. I need to work on loving myself.

I tell all my clients that if you don't like yourself and take care of yourself, it is awfully hard to like and take care of other people. It's time to start walking that walk. That does not mean making excuses. In fact, the opposite. Loving myself should be about taking good care of myself, both mentally and physically. And there is no better time to start that the present moment.