This morning I weigh FOUR POUNDS more than what I did last week. FOUR POUNDS. My weight this morning is more like what I would weigh at night after a large dinner or after drinking a quart of water.
I am fairly positive that this is the heaviest weight I have ever been at my morning weigh-in. EVER. I am not going to say numbers because, since I am 4'9", whatever I weight will sound ridiculously light. I don't think I've gone crazy enough to translate this into actual weight gain. I have been eating too much lately and must have been eating a lot of salt and water-retaining things. Clearly I need to stop before this added weight does turn into actual fat. I didn't even think about putting on a pair of jeans this morning.
Despite trying to be cool about the numbers on the scale I'm kind of in shock. Maybe today's weight is a wake up call to what my weight will be if I don't get my act together.
This post must seem very boring, but I am filled with incredible unease and self-loathing because of these numbers. Even though the weight is so ridiculously high that I know it has to be last night's dinner, not anything "real", it still feels really, really bad.
Yes, I place inordinate importance on how much I weigh. A day with low numbers starts out a lot better than a heavy day.
Let's just say this day isn't starting out so great.
About Me
- DebPC
- I am a fifth year grad student getting a PsyD, which is a PhD in clinical psychology. I have successfully defended my disseration, a pilot study which used yoga and a discussion group to (successfully) treat binge eating disorder. I am now doing my internship, working with people on probation (mostly felons) who have to be in therapy as a condition of their release from prison. I also work with people who have gotten their children taken away by DHS. My specialties are eating disorders and using yoga to treat psychological issues. Finish internship and then I'm a real doctor. I have four cats, two daughters, ages 8 and 11 and one husband, aged 44. I love to run (especially marathons), bike, do yoga, x-c ski and lift weights. I live in the mountains in Colorado.
2 comments:
that is exactly why i refuse to own a scale! don't do it anymore~ just go with how your clothes fit you...that is what i have done for more years than i can count....then when i make an appearance at the doctors office for my yearly "things" i jump on the scale and its just what i weighed the year before. try that instead~
you look beautiful if that helps any!
Tracy, you are very wise and I know better off for ditching the scale.
I didn't have a scale for many years and was really happy. Then I started training for a bodybuilding show and my coach insisted on a daily weigh in. I never made it to the competition-- I looked great, and was on track to do well, but the severe dieting was bringing out the very worst of my eating disordered demons and what remained of my sanity (and my husband) forced me to drop out.
Even though competing in a bodybuilding show had always been a goal of mine, I often wish I had never gone down that road, as it reignited eating and scale issues that I had put behind me for many years.
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