Ugh

I feel fat, gross and out of shape. My face looks weird and my hair refuses to look good.

Yesterday I went to take my Kundalini class and not only was there a sub, she was a sub I have had before and whose teaching style I don't care for at all. So it was a waste of time and not a workout.

I know the wine and cookies I have been indulging in regularly are not helping my cause. Possibly I should be granting myself some space because, after all, I am a week away from being done with my dissertation (although then I have to do the Powerpoint and prepare my defense. But the main part, the writing, will be over). And there has been only so much I could prioritize at one time and this summer it had to be my dissertation. Sounds good and valid but the implemenation is really hard. I am ususally in kick-ass shape at the end of August, not feeling bloated and icky.

Ironic that I am working on a paper that talks about using yoga and mindfulness to give yourself grace, to realize that you are so much more of a person beyond your body and that you can't pin your entire self-evaluation on your looks and your relationship with food, yet I find it so hard to apply the message in my own life. Almost impossible, in fact.

Bah humbug. I am definitely not my own best fan today.