Dissertation has been delivered

Today is the official due date of my written dissertation. I delivered the requisite spiral bound copies to my three committee members yesterday, along with a thank you note and a bottle of wine. One of my committee members told me that she considers the nicely-bound, clean copy of someone's dissertation her "little treat" for serving on their committee. Wow. The bottle of wine is the treat I like, but diversity is what makes the world interesting.

This weekend we are off to Breckenridge. I am going to run or, more accurately, slog my way through the Breck Crest this Sunday. It starts in downtown Breck, which is 9,600 feet, "crests" at 12,475 and then goes mostly down except for a little up. It is brutal but incredibly beautiful and a lot of fun in that demented I-like-to-punish-myself kind of way. I've run the race three times, completing twice and turning around just before the summit because of a blizzard with 40 mph winds once. SO when I pack today I will bring sweats and long sleeved shirts and a hat etc. But I also checked the weather and it's supposed to be pretty nice. I'm not really sure I'm up for another snowstorm slog, to be honest.

Dissertation defense is two weeks from today. I am excited! At least right now, sitting here in yoga clothes blogging whatever comes to mind and it all feels really theoretical.

Madonna: scary or hot?

So here's what I'm doing instead of preparing the Powerpoint presentation for my dissertation defense. I'm wondering whether Madonna is totally hot and amazing or a little over the top. Even if I had all the money I needed to hire a personal cook and 3 hours a day to work out with various trainers, would I want to look like this? I might. This may be jealousy talking.

Although I could do without the monkey pose and mike-as-penis thing.

The American Tragedy

Yesterday I got an email from the young, gorgeous and ridiculously fit woman who ran my yoga classes for Finding Om. She can do down dog in Lululemon running shorts and not look obscene. Need I say more? Her email complained that "We took professional pics at Bija tonight and I seriously thought I looked gorgeous. I got them back via email and, wow. Dude. I may never be happy. And even in black and white! My butt looked all puckered and my legs all stumpy."

I don't understand what it is about women in our society that makes us hold ourselves up to these unreachable standards. Go to the supermarket and look around. Any market--even Whole Foods. How many people look like they could be on TV or the cover of Shape magazine? Not many. In fact, even here in Colorado Springs, recently crowned "America's Fittest City" by Men's Health magazine, more people look like they could be featured in Weight Watchers magazine than Women's Fitness or Runners World.

I know, I know. I'm not one to talk. I feel shitty about myself right now because I am not in as good shape as I usually am by the end of the summer. Does it count that I am finishing up a kick-ass dissertation that helped people feel better about themselves and that I can probably publish (in a much shorter version) and that I can in some way turn into at least part of my future practice? Uh... kind of. But not so much when I look in the mirror. Then I just berate myself for not looking fitter, more muscular, less flabby (shall I name where?)and start comparing myself to Ms. Leadville 100 or Scoop, who has run 3 triathlons this summer and is in possibly the best shape of her life. Fine, fine, neither of them is finishing up their PsyD. So what?

Sure, every so often you read about someone getting her MD-PhD who also races Ironmans, has 8 kids, is PTO president and looks like Cindy Crawford. But most of us don't. Nor do we need to.

Right? (small wimper) Please?

Bob Costas and George Bush

If you have been watching the Olympics as obsessively as we have here at Finding Om headquarters you will have seen this interview between (cute and intelligent) sportscaster Bob Costas and (adjectives deleted) President of the United States George Bush. But if you didn't, it's worth a look:
http://www.prnewschannel.com/absolutenm/templates/?a=749&z=7

Finding Om study

I just sent off the final draft of my dissertation to my husband for proofreading. Have to get a spiral bound copy to each of my committee members next week. Then I start working on my power point because in three weeks I do my defense.

Scary and exciting and kind of unbelievable. I feel they way I did when I trained for my first New York marathon which I ran with my cousin Yoga Chickie. So much of my life and planning and daily schedule and thinking had gone into training that, when the marathon was over, I felt sort of at a loss. I'm thinking I may begin to feel that way now. Although I do have my Power Point to prepare and a presentation to practice.

And a full time job coming up a month after that.

Ugh

I feel fat, gross and out of shape. My face looks weird and my hair refuses to look good.

Yesterday I went to take my Kundalini class and not only was there a sub, she was a sub I have had before and whose teaching style I don't care for at all. So it was a waste of time and not a workout.

I know the wine and cookies I have been indulging in regularly are not helping my cause. Possibly I should be granting myself some space because, after all, I am a week away from being done with my dissertation (although then I have to do the Powerpoint and prepare my defense. But the main part, the writing, will be over). And there has been only so much I could prioritize at one time and this summer it had to be my dissertation. Sounds good and valid but the implemenation is really hard. I am ususally in kick-ass shape at the end of August, not feeling bloated and icky.

Ironic that I am working on a paper that talks about using yoga and mindfulness to give yourself grace, to realize that you are so much more of a person beyond your body and that you can't pin your entire self-evaluation on your looks and your relationship with food, yet I find it so hard to apply the message in my own life. Almost impossible, in fact.

Bah humbug. I am definitely not my own best fan today.

Internship agita

I finally spoke to JL, the man who will be my supervisor on my internship. Start date was up in the air and I had only a vague idea of the work hours, which was starting to aggravate me. Now that the kids are back in school and the dissertation is wrapping up (!) I am eager to establish some sort of schedule.

What I found out is that I'd better enjoy my free time now because I won't have any shortly. Intership hours are 9-6 three days a week and 11-8pm the other two.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhhh!

What about my kids when they come home from school? What about my workouts? Who is going to do my laundry and go to the supermarket and cook my family healthy dinners? How am I going to get Kid #1 to Hebrew school at 4:30 on Tuesdays and kid #2 to guitar lessons at 5:30 on Wednesdays?? My kids... my workouts... When am I going to sleep?????!!!!

Maybe those of you who have been 9-5ers forever are scoffing at me. So... tell me your tips.

I know I can get up at 5 to work out, which is what I plan to do-- and love those leisurely mornings when I don't have to go in until 11 and can get in a nice run or bike ride outside. Or run at lunch. Or go to the Y at lunch. I will work a 9 hour day. I assume I have lunch.

Okay, experienced working moms and dads: What do you do with your kids after school? Mine are 7 and 10 years old. I thought I was going to work until 5 and was fine with them being home alone for an hour. But 2 hours is a different story, not to mention those late nights. I have called our babysitter but haven't heard back from her and I'm not sure either of us envisioned her as a quasi-nanny.

On the happy front, today is my noon Kundalini class that I love and look forward to every week. Yay and hooray for Kundalini yoga. Hope I can still do it come October, considering it is at the Y (oddly enough) which is right down the street from my internship. Which, on another happy note, is located in a beautiful part of downtown only about 15 minutes from my house.

2 weeks

My dissertation final copy is due to my committee in 2 weeks.

FREAKING OUT.

There is kind of no reason to freak out, since I have a meeting with my chairperson tomorrow and unless she tells me I need to rip it apart I think things are more or less under control.

Please let those not be famous last words. No jinx, no jinx.

Anyway, the discussion section may need some (or a lot of) work. I think everything else has pretty much been cleared.

Then 2 weeks until I defend. Powerpoint must be made. Presentation must be practiced.

Oy vey. This might take a lot of running, bike rides, yoga, cookies and wine.

Carbo Loading in Vain

Seems to be the thing to do in Colorado this weekend.


I got to run the first 2 mile leg of my duathlon. Just as I was getting into a groove and no longer feeling freaked out by lightning that was flashing directly overhead and hail that was hitting my face I found out that they cancelled the race due to... weather. Oh yeah, and a mudslide that obscured the canyon road we were supposed to ride our bikes up and down. As a consolation prize they let us use the rec center for free. Surprisinly lame, considering this is Aspen, after all, but I still managed to do a pretty self-punishing weight workout and then run another 4 miles on the treadmill.

Mine wasn't the only race bust, either. Less than half the registered runners managed to summit the Pikes Peak Ascent before it, too was cancelled and race officials started turning people around. Not sure what happened with the Marathon, which was scheduled for today. Weather looked pretty crappy up top the peak as we passed it on the way home but, oddly enough, I can find no mention of anything online.

Leadville 100 trail run was Saturday as well. A friend and inspiration finished in 29 hours. I don't know whether that's good or not, frankly, but I know the weather wasn't great.

Oh well. So I ate a bunch of garlic bread for no reason. Tonight I'm going to follow that up with a bunch of wine. For a reason? Who knows.

I have this vague feeling that I need to get back on track but somehow I don't care enough right now to make it happen.

Quickie update: It's raining! Again! At least I don't have to water my plants tomorrow.

Back to school

My children started the 08-09 school year today. Crazy, no? The weather is unseasonably cool today--almost as if to try and make it seem like we don't go back to school in the middle of the summer.

This weekend we head out to Aspen to do a triathlon (husband) and duathlon (me). The kids are going to volunteer at the transition station. Fun! 2 mile run, 17 mile bike up and down a canyon, 4 mile run to finish it off.

Last year when we did this race we went up thinking that Aspen couldn't possibly be as cool as all those movie stars think. I don't know what movie stars think, actually, but husband and I had to begrudgingly admit that Aspen is pretty cool. I'm psyched to go up again, but with back to school the timing kind of stinks.

I almost don't know what to do with myself with such a quiet house. Oh right. My dissertation. Off to work.

Paris Hilton might have a sense of humor

Although I hate admitting it, given my general distaste for the whole celebutante thing.

Her "presidential stump speech" seems to be getting plenty of press, but just in case you haven't seen it, the link is at www.funnyordie.com.

Backyard bobcat

Last night all three of my cats were outside, even the fat retarded one who normally doesn't choose to go outside. He really is retarded. Our vet has declared him "mentally challenged." I'm sorry if I offend anyone with the use of the word retarded. I don't mean to.

Anyway, all 3 cats were out last night. At about 2am I was awakened by some really awful sounding cat screams. I jumped out of bed because it sounded a lot like fat Dexter, who also has a really odd, distinctive meow. Because he doesn't go out much and is fat and spazzy I don't like him to be out at night because he'd be awful at defending himself and can't climb. Not even a kitchen chair. But when I went on the deck there he was, hanging out by the sliding door, pretty pleased that someone was finally coming to let him in. One accounted for. But I knew my other two were still outside. So who had made that noise? Called and called for them, to no avail. Not good. I went back inside, wondering who wasn't going to come home in the morning.

From my bed I heard the sound again, coming from out front. Got up again and went out the front door. Heard the sound loud from my neighbor's garden. Oh boy, I thought. JG is going to find one of cats dead in his flowers in the morning. I don't know why I didn't go over. Middle of the night thinking. I called and called some more and then went back to bed.

This time the sound was loud and close. I put on my flipflops and went down the deck stairs to the backyard. Didn't see any cats but I started to notice all the laundry that I had put on the deck to dry which had fallen overboard and I'd been to lazy to go down and retrieve. So I started picking up my laundry at 2:30 am, walking around underneath my deck calling for my cats.

Suddenly I heard a rustling noise and a meow and saw a cat run away from me. I quickly walked to the other side of the house. My rush of relief was replaced with confusion when I realized that this creature was too big to be either of my cats, had unusually long legs, a stumpy tail and tufted ears. But (middle of the night arms full of laundry thinking) I still kind of thought it might be one of my cats because it had the same markings as one and was lean like the other. That nonsensical idea only lasted for a second. This strange cat arched its back, ran a few feet from me and then settled rather comfortably on the side of my driveway. I was a little afraid, actually, so I went back in, calling again for my own cats as soon as I was out of the stranger's view.

Just before I decided to give up I saw our beloved Matilda come to the door. What a rush of relief. I was still worried about my own cat, Rock Star, but was not about to take on Rocky Mountain Wildlife in my nightgown and flipflops. I went to sleep wondering whether I'd see my Rock Star again or whether he had become part of the food chain. Thank God or the cat diety or Rock Star himself, he showed up at the deck door in the morning, as is his habit.

Now they are all sleeping in the basement. I will let them go outside again, because I can't imagine a life without fresh air, but not at night.

This morning I Googled bobcats. Look about the same as my midnight visitor.

I may have had an encounter with a bobcat. Cool.

Cooling off... or not

The temperature is finally beginning to drop. I was so excited to be able to cook in my kitchen again (as opposed to having to grill or die of heat). I think I went a little overboard, though, because I managed to heat the kitchen right back up to run-outside-or-die level. Oh well. I will need to remember back to this time when I'm freezing my ass off in winter.

One for the record

So I was right about it being hot. So hot, in fact, that yesterday set a record high of 99 degrees. Today is supposed to be almost as bad. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I think we might go to the mall.

Outdoor living

We slept outside again last night. I brought another blanket for myself and slept really well. It is such a pleasure to fall asleep looking at the stars. Last night had more clouds than the night before and the sky was so interesting. I kind of miss my bed but I know that this won't last much longer, so I think we'll do it a bit longer. Or at least for as long as the days stay in the 90s.

All heads on deck

My house does not have air conditining. This is generally a good thing. I hate the fake chill of AC, hate needing a sweater in the middle of a hot summer day, hate the waste of electricity. Plus, Colorado nights cool down 20+ degrees and we open up all the windows and get a great cooling breeze. I love laying in bed listening to the crickets and feeling the cool air coming through my window. But after a week of 90 degree days the house just heats up and stays hot.

When I came home from yoga last night at 7pm, the radio said the temp was 92 and the wind was still. 92 at 7pm! This calls for desparate measures. So the girls and I decided we needed to sleep out on the deck. Not sure whether husband would have gone along with this, but he's away on a business trip (surprise!) so that's moot. We got out our sleeping pads, brought out pillows and blankets and there we were. It was lovely... until I woke up cold in the middle of the night. Thatwas kind of nice too. I got another blanket and lay there for a while enjoying the cool night air and looking at the stars.

At about 5:30 younger daughter came in and went into her bed. Older daughter is still sleeping away on the deck. Forecast is for another scorcher. Wonder if we'll repeat this tonight.