Five minutes to Samadhi

Started up my meditation practice again. Five minutes first thing in the morning. I understand that I have little chance of entering a state of samadhi in five minutes, but that is all I can muster up enthusiasm for at this point.

About a year ago I meditated for five minutes a day, then brought it up to ten, then eleven. I never got higher than 11. In fact, I stopped altogether.

Two summers ago when I went to Baron Baptiste's teacher training level 1 bootcamp he had us meditate daily for 30 minutes. Frankly, it was excruciating. I know that meditation is about stillness. And I knew that he was going to spend the rest of the day working our assess off, and that I should enjoy the time of stillness. We would sit in virasana. First my legs would go numb. Then I'd have to think about that for a while, until I would allow myself to shift into simple crosslegged pose. Then I'd be okay for a while. Then I would have to start to move. I mollified myself by telling myself that I was doing yoga, because I did a kind of Kundalini-inspired grind from the waist. In both directions, of course. Plus, I figured that everyone had their eyes closed, and whoever was looking around and could see me was "cheating," too. Then I could usually be still for a while more until Baron would come in and start yapping away, which he basically did for the rest of the day.

I know that all of that restlessness is the first step to stillness. I do. But at this point in my life, with grad school to be finished and kids to be raised and dissertations to be written and stairs to be climbed and weights to be lifted and marathons to be run and yoga to be practiced and lunches to be made and carpools to be driven and homework that needs help and dinner to be cooked all in time for bedtime, I just can't do it right now. That stillness isn't within me. And yes, I know that fidgety busy people like me are supposed to do restorative yoga and calming postures to balance our doshas. Oh well. Not going to happen anytime soon. So in the meantime, I'm bucking for samadhi in 5.