Above all else, be kind

And patient. With myself.

As the weather cools and I can no longer wear sundresses or loose cotton pants on a daily basis, I am appalled at how much weight I have gained. Or, more accurately, how much my body has changed. I am really only about a pound or 2 heavier than I'd like to be, but I used to be a lot more muscular. Meaning that the weight I carry is puddling a lot more around my waist, ass and thighs than sitting nicely on my shoulders, tris and biceps. And the well-defined abs I was so pround of... well. Ahem. They are kind of blobbing over the waistband of my jeans.

But I have decided that it's time to turn the corner and stop abusing myself by eating so poorly. I love to eat and I especially love eating sweets. It's okay to indulge at times. But not if those times are hourly every day for a few months.

I am frustrated (and I know I am the only person in the world who feels this way) that it takes time to lose the weight. Probably more time than it took to gain. And since I'm sure the gain has been happening progressively over the last year, it will not be an overnight miracle to get back to where I want to be. Although it would be nice to lose it as suddenly as I seemed to notice it.

I invented a miracle diet where you lose all the weight and get in the shape you want instantly and then need to diet and work out for the requisite time it would have taken you to get there. For example, I want to lose 2 pounds and be more muscular and toned. So that would happen instantly and I would look thinner and more musclar and toned. The catch is that if it took me 6 months of dieting and working out to get there the old fashioned way, I would still have to put in that time or else I would start reverting back to my fat flabby self. But the motivation to "keep it up" would be constant, since I'd look great from the start and the only motivation I would need would be a glance in the mirror at my hot self..

But I probably wouldn't notice I looked great, because every time I looked great in the past I forgot to notice.

So I am trying to be kind and patient with myself, since neither God nor science has gotten behind my miracle diet yet. This isn't easy. I am much more comfortable in a place of self-disgust (coupled with a closet arrogance that rears its ugly head every so often) than I am in a place of loving self-grace.

But then again, I'm also more comfortable feeling fit, filled with the secret knowledge that, even though I can take no pleasure in it, I am actually looking pretty good.

We'll see how this works out.