The American Tragedy

Yesterday I got an email from the young, gorgeous and ridiculously fit woman who ran my yoga classes for Finding Om. She can do down dog in Lululemon running shorts and not look obscene. Need I say more? Her email complained that "We took professional pics at Bija tonight and I seriously thought I looked gorgeous. I got them back via email and, wow. Dude. I may never be happy. And even in black and white! My butt looked all puckered and my legs all stumpy."

I don't understand what it is about women in our society that makes us hold ourselves up to these unreachable standards. Go to the supermarket and look around. Any market--even Whole Foods. How many people look like they could be on TV or the cover of Shape magazine? Not many. In fact, even here in Colorado Springs, recently crowned "America's Fittest City" by Men's Health magazine, more people look like they could be featured in Weight Watchers magazine than Women's Fitness or Runners World.

I know, I know. I'm not one to talk. I feel shitty about myself right now because I am not in as good shape as I usually am by the end of the summer. Does it count that I am finishing up a kick-ass dissertation that helped people feel better about themselves and that I can probably publish (in a much shorter version) and that I can in some way turn into at least part of my future practice? Uh... kind of. But not so much when I look in the mirror. Then I just berate myself for not looking fitter, more muscular, less flabby (shall I name where?)and start comparing myself to Ms. Leadville 100 or Scoop, who has run 3 triathlons this summer and is in possibly the best shape of her life. Fine, fine, neither of them is finishing up their PsyD. So what?

Sure, every so often you read about someone getting her MD-PhD who also races Ironmans, has 8 kids, is PTO president and looks like Cindy Crawford. But most of us don't. Nor do we need to.

Right? (small wimper) Please?

Bob Costas and George Bush

If you have been watching the Olympics as obsessively as we have here at Finding Om headquarters you will have seen this interview between (cute and intelligent) sportscaster Bob Costas and (adjectives deleted) President of the United States George Bush. But if you didn't, it's worth a look:
http://www.prnewschannel.com/absolutenm/templates/?a=749&z=7

Finding Om study

I just sent off the final draft of my dissertation to my husband for proofreading. Have to get a spiral bound copy to each of my committee members next week. Then I start working on my power point because in three weeks I do my defense.

Scary and exciting and kind of unbelievable. I feel they way I did when I trained for my first New York marathon which I ran with my cousin Yoga Chickie. So much of my life and planning and daily schedule and thinking had gone into training that, when the marathon was over, I felt sort of at a loss. I'm thinking I may begin to feel that way now. Although I do have my Power Point to prepare and a presentation to practice.

And a full time job coming up a month after that.

Ugh

I feel fat, gross and out of shape. My face looks weird and my hair refuses to look good.

Yesterday I went to take my Kundalini class and not only was there a sub, she was a sub I have had before and whose teaching style I don't care for at all. So it was a waste of time and not a workout.

I know the wine and cookies I have been indulging in regularly are not helping my cause. Possibly I should be granting myself some space because, after all, I am a week away from being done with my dissertation (although then I have to do the Powerpoint and prepare my defense. But the main part, the writing, will be over). And there has been only so much I could prioritize at one time and this summer it had to be my dissertation. Sounds good and valid but the implemenation is really hard. I am ususally in kick-ass shape at the end of August, not feeling bloated and icky.

Ironic that I am working on a paper that talks about using yoga and mindfulness to give yourself grace, to realize that you are so much more of a person beyond your body and that you can't pin your entire self-evaluation on your looks and your relationship with food, yet I find it so hard to apply the message in my own life. Almost impossible, in fact.

Bah humbug. I am definitely not my own best fan today.

Internship agita

I finally spoke to JL, the man who will be my supervisor on my internship. Start date was up in the air and I had only a vague idea of the work hours, which was starting to aggravate me. Now that the kids are back in school and the dissertation is wrapping up (!) I am eager to establish some sort of schedule.

What I found out is that I'd better enjoy my free time now because I won't have any shortly. Intership hours are 9-6 three days a week and 11-8pm the other two.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhhh!

What about my kids when they come home from school? What about my workouts? Who is going to do my laundry and go to the supermarket and cook my family healthy dinners? How am I going to get Kid #1 to Hebrew school at 4:30 on Tuesdays and kid #2 to guitar lessons at 5:30 on Wednesdays?? My kids... my workouts... When am I going to sleep?????!!!!

Maybe those of you who have been 9-5ers forever are scoffing at me. So... tell me your tips.

I know I can get up at 5 to work out, which is what I plan to do-- and love those leisurely mornings when I don't have to go in until 11 and can get in a nice run or bike ride outside. Or run at lunch. Or go to the Y at lunch. I will work a 9 hour day. I assume I have lunch.

Okay, experienced working moms and dads: What do you do with your kids after school? Mine are 7 and 10 years old. I thought I was going to work until 5 and was fine with them being home alone for an hour. But 2 hours is a different story, not to mention those late nights. I have called our babysitter but haven't heard back from her and I'm not sure either of us envisioned her as a quasi-nanny.

On the happy front, today is my noon Kundalini class that I love and look forward to every week. Yay and hooray for Kundalini yoga. Hope I can still do it come October, considering it is at the Y (oddly enough) which is right down the street from my internship. Which, on another happy note, is located in a beautiful part of downtown only about 15 minutes from my house.

2 weeks

My dissertation final copy is due to my committee in 2 weeks.

FREAKING OUT.

There is kind of no reason to freak out, since I have a meeting with my chairperson tomorrow and unless she tells me I need to rip it apart I think things are more or less under control.

Please let those not be famous last words. No jinx, no jinx.

Anyway, the discussion section may need some (or a lot of) work. I think everything else has pretty much been cleared.

Then 2 weeks until I defend. Powerpoint must be made. Presentation must be practiced.

Oy vey. This might take a lot of running, bike rides, yoga, cookies and wine.

Carbo Loading in Vain

Seems to be the thing to do in Colorado this weekend.


I got to run the first 2 mile leg of my duathlon. Just as I was getting into a groove and no longer feeling freaked out by lightning that was flashing directly overhead and hail that was hitting my face I found out that they cancelled the race due to... weather. Oh yeah, and a mudslide that obscured the canyon road we were supposed to ride our bikes up and down. As a consolation prize they let us use the rec center for free. Surprisinly lame, considering this is Aspen, after all, but I still managed to do a pretty self-punishing weight workout and then run another 4 miles on the treadmill.

Mine wasn't the only race bust, either. Less than half the registered runners managed to summit the Pikes Peak Ascent before it, too was cancelled and race officials started turning people around. Not sure what happened with the Marathon, which was scheduled for today. Weather looked pretty crappy up top the peak as we passed it on the way home but, oddly enough, I can find no mention of anything online.

Leadville 100 trail run was Saturday as well. A friend and inspiration finished in 29 hours. I don't know whether that's good or not, frankly, but I know the weather wasn't great.

Oh well. So I ate a bunch of garlic bread for no reason. Tonight I'm going to follow that up with a bunch of wine. For a reason? Who knows.

I have this vague feeling that I need to get back on track but somehow I don't care enough right now to make it happen.

Quickie update: It's raining! Again! At least I don't have to water my plants tomorrow.