Crying on the run

Three days until the Mount Evans Ascent. I have begun not sleeping very well and have been getting out-of-breath nervous at random times. Like on my run today, which is actually not really all that random.

I did the Manitou incline for the last time pre-race yesterday, and did a 30 minute easy run today in the park behind my house. I couldn't stop thinking about Mt. Evans race, about the distance-- which isn't so great, but all 14.5 miles are upill-- about the incline, about the altitude, about the cutoffs, about how much my legs and lungs are going to be burning. Not the most productive thoughts, I realize, but that is what I was thinking.

Then I twisted my ankle. Not badly enough to cause anything more than very minor temporary pain, but it was excuse enough that I started to cry. Hard. There I was, sobbing, limping along the trail. The nervousness and feeling of inadequacy was only magnified by the fact that I missed my already-three-years-overdue mammogram this morning. I didn't oversleep. I could have easily made the 7:15 appointment. I just forgot. This is not very like me, and it upset me.

About the time I realized that my ankle felt fine, I began going down "Resolution Hill." I call it that because it comes at the end of the run, is a good strong downhill, and is a time I tend to begin feeling better and making resolutions. I will love myself better. I will give myself a break. I will run X marathon. It's always something.

Today I used Resolution Hill to give myself a pep talk. I have trained for this race. I have gone back and forth to Barr Camp 3 times. I have done the Incline 5 times. I have done many long runs, including a 14 miler, including a 9.5 and ten miler in Alaska. I have been doing hills for months. True, I have not been doing speed training, which never hurts because it is a strength builder. But even if I had been doing speed, I would not be using it at 10,000+ feet.

So we'll see. I just need to breathe, stay positive.