Rock Canyon Blows

Actually, Rock Canyon rocks. But the wind was blowing at 34 miles per hour for today's 1/2 marathon in Pueblo, CO, which definitely added to the challenge. Not quite as challenging as last year, when there were 6 inches of ice and snow pack on the trail and there was a race day blizzard. Finished today in 2:03, which is far off my PR (1:47) and not even a good average time for me these days. But what the heck. Another 13.1 miles under my belt. Good fun.

Village people

My gym used to be World Gym. There were old people, young people, strong people and not-so-fit people. There were bodybuilders and gangbangers, college professors, real estate agents and housewives. There was yoga and cardio classes and daycare. It was good, and I was happy there. Then it changed to Planet Fitness, which is a so-called judgement free zone and where I have never felt so judged. No daycare. No classes. No heavy weights. No grunting policy. I don't grunt when I work out, but I definitely object to a place that says it doesn't judge but RINGS AN ALARM if someone grunts or drops weights or does anything else the management finds objectionable. So I had to stop going. So I got weak and flabby. But, as of this weekend, I am now a proud member of the Pikes Peak YMCA. Hooray. Daycare. Classes. Old people. Young people. strong and weak and fat people. And, as an extra added bonus, crazy people, too. I will lift again. I will be happy.

Help Wanted

Any yoga researchers out there want to dialogue about yoga as a treatment? About binge eating disorder? About how to write a dissertation?

I am busily working on my proposal, with the intention of getting it to the IRB before their next meeting in December. It's kind of fun to actually be getting this done.

Japanese Joy, Sanskrit samurai

I love sake. I am drinking some right now. In fact, because I am trying to watch my weight I am kind of having sake instead of having dinner. Although, good wife and mom that I am, I served my family a well-balanced meal that no one seemed to notice I barely ate.

I love alcoholic beverages. I really love martinis (vodka with olives) and every so often I like to drink scotch. I like red wine and white wine. Much to the horror of vinophiles everywhere, sometimes I like to put ice in my white wine. Perhaps it makes me declasse, but it also makes me happy.

I like silly drinks like margaritas and cosmos and stuff that you put umbrellas in but I don't drink those all that often because of the calorie count, to be perfectly honest.

I spend the morning-- indeed, the better part of the last ten days-- preparing my internship application. I am mostly applying to work with either criminal or elderly populations. Perhaps both at the same time. Like the criminal elderly. Lots of cool opportunities. I hope I get one. Many people applying for a few spots, which does concern me but there's not much more I can do than put out the best application possible.

Happily, I finished in time to do Mantra Girl's version of the Kundalini warrior workout before my kids came home from school. I love Kundalini. The elementary school roster (of all places) has a listing placed by a local Kundalini instructor. Contacting her is definitely on my to-do list, although admittedly not high on it at this point.

Tomorrow I need to print out all 130 pages of the application and send it off to the appropriate parties. Then I will hit the Title Nine sale in town. I think I'll dig up a leotard to wear so I can try things on with abandon. Kind of like Filene's Basement in the good old days.

Ode to Britney

Oops I did it again. Let's leave it at that.

Parent education day

Today is parent education day at my daughter's Sunday school class. Hmmm. There are so many things about which I could be educated.

Have been so busy actually working on my dissertation that I kind of forgot I had a blog about the whole thing. It is definitely a daunting process, this year-long paper. I have still not even handed in my proposal and I have over 50 pages written. But I need the first 3 chapters done to hand in the proposal, and I'm getting there, so I have hope. It's kind of cool, actually: the first 3 chapters sets up the whole thing. Chapter one is your idea and why you think it's a good one. Chap 2 is a literature review of all that has been done on the topic already. For me that means a review of existing treatments for binge eating disorder and a review of how yoga has been used as a treatment for mental illness.

Chapter three is methods-- how you plan to get your data. This is the part on which I have done the least work so far. I have to get a yoga teacher who is willing to work with me for little to no money. I have to find a studio that will let me use their place. I need to come up with the assessment instruments I will give my subjects before and after the intervention (yes, these cost money as well). I need to figure out how I will crunch the numbers once I've gotten all of my data. Unfortunately (more for him than me), the guy at my school who helps students out with all of this just had a heart attack. Which doesn't make me feel any better about all this number crunching stuff.

Once you've gotten all that finished you submit to the IRB (institutional review board), and then, once you get approved, off you go on actual data collection and the real fun starts. For me this means:
1.recruiting subjects, probably through newspaper ads.
2. Praying people respond and I get subjects.
3. assessing potential subjects to see whether they have binge eating disorder.
4. administering a small battery of assessments to subjects
5. Overseeing a 10 week yoga class and running a cognitive behavioral group after yoga with half of the participants.
6. readministering assessments.
7. Crunching numbers.
8. Writing up my results
9. Making any changes my committee recommends.
10. Defending.

THere you have it. A doctoral dissertation in 10 easy steps.


Found out that I had low estrogen so now I am on birth control pills to regulate my hormones. Pros: hormones are regulated. Cons: Gained weight. Pros: Gained weight in boobs. Cons: gained weight everywhere else, too. Pros: haven't made myself puke in a while, although I'm not sure how much this has to do with my estrogen level.

So I read in the newspaper that laptops are not made for the heavy use they get as home computers and can overheat. The author suggested putting a cake cooling rack under your laptop to help keep heat from building up. I had a cooling rack downstairs in the kitchen so I am giving it a try. Makes typing kind of bouncy.



Then I found out I need to submit applications for my internship which will start next August by Thursday, so that put the dissertation on hold for a while.

a confession

All I seem to be able to do these days is eat too much sugar and fat, drink too much alcohol, and build on my self-hatred. This is not what I want to do. This is not what the yogic wanna-be enlightened part of me wants to do. This is not what the wanna-be mentally healthy practice-what-you-preach therapist part of me wants to do. This is not what the wanna-be super-athlete part of me wants to do. But this is very much what some primitive part of me wants, yearns, longs to do. This is what I am almost driven to doing. I am very comfortable feeling like I'm fat and hating myself for it. I'm not comfortable lauding myself for my accomplishments.
Recent accomplishements:
*Came up with an even better idea for my dissertation-- have I even mentioned my topic? It is yoga as a component of treatment for binge eating disorder. No, I don't have binge eating disorder. Enough said on that topic right now. So my latest idea is to run two groups. One will do yoga and then go home. The other will do yoga and then participate in a group that cognitively processes what they have done, with the intention that it will help translate what they have done in class to be applicable in real life. Either way, I think yoga will help people become more aware of their bodies, more able to tolerate strong affect and thus better able to control their binges.
*Ran 12 miles on Saturday and then rode 6 miles to the race for the cure on Sunday, ran 5k then rode back home. Did Mantra girls' kundalini yoga warrior workout today (Monday), then helped coach my kids's cross country team. This weekend I will do a 20 mile run in preparation for the Denver marathon on Oct 14th. That will be my 15th marathon.
Bla bla bla. I do a lot. But I am more comfortable hating myself. So I am now going to pour another glass of Cabernet and bake a cake-- apple cake for the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah, which starts on Wednesday night.