Prolific Progeny

Both of my children now have blogs.

www.genogirl.blogspot.com

and

www.genoboygrowson.blogspot.com

Spelling on the first is a bit better than on the second. Or should I say less creative

I am exhausted. That seems to be how I function these days. Not feeling terribly creative, either. That's all for now.

Etan Patz is not a20/20 special

Etan Patz is my cousin.

Finding Om update

The dissertation is long over but Finding Om lives on.

New name: Finding Om Yoga Therapy.

Newly updated and tweaked website: http://www.findingom.net

New modules in development: Finding Om Yoga Therapy for Addicts and (what I am really excited about right now) Finding Om Yoga Therapy for parents of addicts.

Any constructive criticism on the website is welcome. I feel like it's pretty amateur looking but, although I am good a lots of things, visual design is not one of them.

Poster presentation at SYTAR

I just found out that my Finding Om presentation at SYTAR will be via a poster, not an oral presentation. I don't really mind that it's a poster-- in fact, in some ways posters get more attention, since they are displayed in the main hall the entire time, whereas if it were oral then only the people who attend those breakout sessions would hear it.

But here's the thing:

I don't mind public speaking.

I hate art projects.

See the problem?

Killing time

I have a client who was shot in the head and since then has pretty serious memory problems. His probation officer wants me to work with him on concrete skills like planning and following through with things. In theory no problem but there is actually a big problem:

He forgets our appointments. Every time. So I can't really work with him on making it to appointments if he doesn't come to the ones with me. Which is why I am sitting at work and writing on this blog rather than making a to-do list with a felon.

Half an hour until the federal probation relapse prevention group, which is actually kind of fun. And while I pretend to be doing important paperwork (I'm not on Facebook, that would be too obvious) I am listening to them chatting in the waiting room. And rolling my aching neck around.

I have been doing mindfulness meditations with the DHS group on Monday nights. Everyone has seemed really into it and I was feeling really good about the whole thing. I just heard collateral information from one of the DHS caseworkers, however, that some of them think it's "weird." I am going to bring it up in group. Let them call me weird to my face. Maybe I'll get called a flake. I guess if I want to make a career doing yoga therapy I should get used to it.

Which reminds me, I got approved to do a half day yoga therapy/experiential workshop here at my internship. I am excited and need to start getting my head around the specifics.

Over extension

I wish this were a post about yoga and how incredibly flexy I am. Over-extended, get it? I am the flexiest person in my class but I have no pride about this and rejoice in the accomplishments of those around me.

I am able to take long, full breaths and be in the moment at all times-- especially when faced with irritation. I recognize things as other's limitations, not flaws in myself, and accept the others where they are and for what they can offer on their own terms, not mine. All with the full recognition by my husband of all that I am and all that I do. And great sex.

Cue sound of record needle scratching across the vinyl.

Fuuuuuck. I AM SO TIRED!!! 9 hour days at work. I get up at 5 to be able to work out or do laundry or do volunteer work for the temple and be done by 7 so I can focus attention on the kids and getting them ready for school, all while getting myself ready for work.

Ever since that stupid accident I have to go to the chiropractor at least twice a week to keep the soreness, stiffness and pain at bay. He doesn't open until 9, which kind of conflicts with a lot of other things. I'd switch, but I've been with him since my stay at home mom days when my time was much more flexible and I trust him.

I have to take my children to the dentist and help with their school projects. I have to plan their birthday parties, concept to goody bag to actual execution. I have to keep the house reasonably clean. And do laundry. and undload the dishwasher. and read with my kids for at least 15 minutes every day and do Hebrew school homework at least 15 minutes every day and lay on my spinal molding foam blocks at least 15 minutes every day and and and and and...............................

Sometimes yoga just ain't enough.

Life is fat

My internship is busy-- 9 hours a day working with federal probationers. It's not what I had in mind for myself but I really like it. BUT.... the sitting all day is killing me. I am so fat right now and have minimal time to work out, although I do make time for it mostly every day. I am the heaviest I've been in my adult life and even my yoga clothes are tight. You know me well enough to know that this is NOT GOOD and I am struggling mentally very much.

I feel like I'm 2 people: one who is successful in lots of areas in life and cares about the environment and poor people etc and says looks don't matter, it's what is inside, and then another who is completely and entirely driven by being thin. I have been seeing a nutritionist because I want to lose weight but do it right, not in the eating disordered ways I have done it the past but her way is very slow and it's killing me. I see her today and I think I'm going to tell her I need to move a little quicker and see some immediate weight loss-- then I can move back to th slow steady boat. I don't know. I need some immediate gratification-- that and a little room in the legs and ass and waistband of my pants.

I'm sorry to complain. I'm having a hard time with this right now. I am positive if you saw me you would notice that I have gained weight and I hate that. I also know that you wouldn't care or think differently of me but I am miserable. In that area, which, me being me, colors everything else

Sigh. I had a dream that I was riding on the back of a whale last night. I wonder what that's about.

Self-loathing, activated

Today is a bad day to ask how I am doing. I have been feeling really shitty about myself and as if I have gotten out of touch with good nutrition. I know what good eating is and in general I don't eat lots of junk but I think I'm eating too much for what my body needs right now, maybe not enough protien and no doubt too much sugar. Maybe too many carbs. Or not enough. Whatever it is, something just doesn't feel right. I have also been (for about the last year) weighing myself 2-3 times a day and writing down everything I eat. Anyway, a week ago I went to a nutritionist who asked me to only weigh myself once a week and to not write down my eating. I ate really well for the first few days after that but the last 2 days I was feeling very premenstrual and gave in to every craving I had. Today I woke up feeling bloated and as if my face looks like an entrant in the Macy's Day Parade. So what did I do? Try on my tightest pair of jeans and weigh myself of course (not with the jeans on, duh). Weight: WAY too high-- higher than it's been in a long, long time. Jeans: too tight. Another duh.

I see the nutritionist again tomorrow and she is going to give me a meal plan. We'll see how that goes.

Finding Om: Live at SYTAR

Months ago I submitted an abstract of my Finding Om study for presentation at STYAR, the international Symposium on Yoga Therapy and Research in LA in early March. And yesterday I found out it got accepted! Hooray! Major exposure to a population who cares. Networking! Interest! Possible connections for future research! I am so, so excited.

I'm not sure whether it is a poster or oral presentation. I hope, hope, hope it is oral, because my arts and crafts skills are sorely lacking and I'd hate to have a sucky poster. But still...

In other news making yesterday a banner day, I ran 6.2 on the treadmill. Perceived exertion: high. Soreness afterwards: marathon grade (for about 2 hours). Happiness: great. I'm back. And I didn't even pig out too badly after drinking too much celebratory wine later that night.

Sorry, I've got to run

Over the past week or so I have noticed a creeping level of depression taking over my mood. There have been no major changes and nothing bad has happened. In fact, I had a therapy session with one of my federal probationers which I think may have been the best session I ever did in my life.

Even so, I have been getting weepier and weepier over nothing, feeling more and more negative about myself (big time), eating more and more for no apparent reason, and having a hard time shaking it off. And it began to dawn on me that I used to feel like this a lot more before I started running. I haven't stopped exercising, still doing yoga and lifting and the elliptical and the stairmill but, as any runner knows, nothing substitutes for whatever it is that running does to your endorphins. I'm not talking about a runners high, since I don't usually get that from an average weekday run. I'm talking about general psychological maintenance.

I haven't run since I was rear-ended on Dec 5th and told by my chiropractor that I should take 6 weeks off. As of today I have taken off 5 weeks. I don't want to hurt my body but I also need to take care of my mental health. So I am meeting Scoop, my beloved running partner, at the YMCA this morning for a treadmill experiment.

There are 2 parts to this experiment. The first is an attempt to listen to my body, go slowly, and only go as far as my body keeps on feeling good. In theory this may mean 1/2 hour on the treadmill, finish up the hour on the much-less-jarring elliptical. What I would love is to do a full hour on the treadmill, keep it slow, but still manage to get in 6 miles.

The second part of this experiement is to not get triggered by however much faster than me Scoop may be going and fall into a competitive groove that could ultimately hurt me and make me take even more time off. I am not competitive against her in races but part of what makes us great training partners is that we push each other and try to keep up with each other in training. I just need to remember: all in good time, my dear. All in good time. Maybe I'll only be able to run a few miles at a time for a few weeks.

I don't mean to be overly dramatic either. I mean, Army Capt. David Rozelle got his leg blown off in Iraq and ran the NYC marathon 6 months later. Although I have no idea what his chiropractor might have had to say about that, he went on to do the Ironman, so I guess he's okay.

So it's official. As of today, in one way or another, I'm back.

I Cried... in Bikram!

Who ever heard of such a thing?

Possibly it was because 2 women who are a few years older than me and look fabulous were doing their thing in the front row (as usual) and I was looking kind of chubby in the back row. And I had on a crappy outfit.

Or maybe it was because my new fitness routine includes more weight lifting and less yoga and I was feeling particularly stiff. And my neck kind of hurt. Damn whiplash. A month and I'm still feeling it. I never realized how much you use your neck in Bikram.

Perhaps because I was so damn sweaty that no one would notice a few tears running down my face and I just needed a good cry. Who knows. But it certainly was unexpected.

I miss running like crazy. I think I'm going to run 3 miles on the treadmill in the basement on Tuesday morning before my boss and I take a field trip to the federal penitentiary. I've got big plans for the summer and I've got to get moving again.

I sure haven't blogged in a long time. I blame my internship. It is great but 9 hours a day is a lot of time to be busy. Despair not, dear readers. I shall return.